There was once a Gujarati Bhai Patel, owning a shop,
living in USA, and he was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to find out
what had happened to him.
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash.
"Car crash! My Corolla!! Is my car all right?" he asked
hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries
- you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save
it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are
in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see
you."
He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around
the bed, he called for each of them by name.
"Alpa, are you here?"
"I am here dear, and I will never leave you", said Mrs. Patel.
"Diness, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kalpess, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kamless, my son, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Paress, my child, are you here too?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well" said patel thoughtfully, "Alpa, Diness, Kalpess,
Paress and Kamless are here........ and if all of you are here,
............ .......
............ .
...........
THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE S(H)OP!!!!!? ???"
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Solve this Questions
Q01: ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the....batao kyon?
Q02: who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
Q03: wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
Q04: wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???
Q05: An elephant falls in luv wid n Ant.but Ant's parents r against their marrige…guess why??
Q06: ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought.. ????????
Q07: what wud u call a girl who never laughs??
scroll down for answers
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
1) Ans: kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..
2) Ans: ..........sita with ravan
3) Ans: …….Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
4) Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan
5) Ans: they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k daant bahar hain**
6) Ans: ……kash k ye meri maa hoti to main bhi itna sunder hota.
7) Ans: hasina
Send this to ur Boss
Hi Boss,
People who do lots of work...
make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
make less mistakes
People who do no work...
make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes...
gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work
I need a promotion.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Why the Call center Guys are paid so much..
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO
MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:
1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
-------------------------
2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
-------------------------
3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
-------------------------
4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
-------------------------
5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
-------------------------
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
-------------------------
7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
------------------------- 
. Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
-------------------------
9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
-------------------------
10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."
-------------------------
11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
-------------------------
12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
-------------------------
13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
-------------------------
14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
-------------------------
15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
-------------------------
16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem!
All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------
17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now
and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
-------------------------
Love Mathematics - Letter to a acute girl friend
My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Truly Yours
VenkaT U
Thursday, July 2, 2009
LETS SEE - HOW BRILLIANT ARE YOU ?
Test yourself with these thinking exercises. The solutions are at the bottom of the page. Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look! It'll be a lot more satisfying.
1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?
2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be?
3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, coat, gloves and ski mask. He is walking down a back street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?
4. One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How?
5. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.
6. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning.. Why did the man not die?
7. A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and all looked as they did at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?
8. A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?
9. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out. This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.
10. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
11. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
12. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug? 13. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
14. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? (or day names in any other language)
15. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
The solutions are below.... Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look!
1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However, if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.
2. The surgeon was his mother.
3. It was day time.
4. At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat. The older twin, Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed a time zone and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February the 28th. Therefore, the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older brother.
5. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.
6. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.
7. He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels. Because they were not born of women, they had never had umbilical cords and therefore they never had navels. This one seems perfectly logical but it can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments. (Just what a HUMOR list needs!!) ;^)
8. They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets, etc.). This puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers.. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?
9.Test yourself with these thinking exercises. The solutions are at the bottom of the page. Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look! It'll be a lot more satisfying.
10. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
11. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
12. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.
13. The answer is Charcoal.
14. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
15. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?
2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be?
3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, coat, gloves and ski mask. He is walking down a back street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?
4. One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How?
5. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.
6. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning.. Why did the man not die?
7. A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and all looked as they did at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?
8. A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?
9. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out. This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.
10. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
11. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
12. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug? 13. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
14. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? (or day names in any other language)
15. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
The solutions are below.... Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look!
1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However, if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.
2. The surgeon was his mother.
3. It was day time.
4. At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat. The older twin, Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed a time zone and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February the 28th. Therefore, the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older brother.
5. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.
6. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.
7. He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels. Because they were not born of women, they had never had umbilical cords and therefore they never had navels. This one seems perfectly logical but it can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments. (Just what a HUMOR list needs!!) ;^)
8. They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets, etc.). This puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers.. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?
9.Test yourself with these thinking exercises. The solutions are at the bottom of the page. Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look! It'll be a lot more satisfying.
10. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
11. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
12. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.
13. The answer is Charcoal.
14. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
15. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
What is height of..
1. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
2. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
3. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
4. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
5. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
6. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
7. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
8. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder
Santa Singh's Interview..
Santa Singh's Interview..
Santa Singh, who has a bad memory, goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. 'So, can you tell us your age, please?'
Santa counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. 'Um ... 28.'
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'
The man stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot four!'
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won't have to count, measure, or lookup. 'Just to confirm for our records, your name please?'
Santa Singh bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, 'Santa Singh!'
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'What were you doing when I asked you your name?'
'Oh, that!' replies Santa,' I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear... "Santa Singh" ''
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)