Wife and Husband

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

LIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

LIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "sh*t."


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Another Message

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person
who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is
getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room
number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well.
In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken
off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this
improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic .. that's wonderful
news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family
member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a thing."