Sardar Collections - 4

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

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Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should nto put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

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Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater .

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Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy your dinner ? '
Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it . '


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Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will
the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

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A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."


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A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander,"A Marathon race is going on. Sardar : What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize Sardar : Then why are the others running?

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Then there`s the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

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Sardar Checks Spellings

Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!


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Sardar takes xerox
6. Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper
? (he
already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of
the white paper !!!

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Sardar and Lotto



A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone
bust and he's in serious financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for
help.

He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh
Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my
business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my
house as well, please let me win the
lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the temple.....................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................

"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house, my car and my wife
and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and
I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I
can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts
open and the Sardarji is confronted by the
voice of Lord :

"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
*****

Punjabi and Bengali patriotism



A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.

They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.

They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.

The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".

*****

Sardar keeps a bet



Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very
depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I
bet on the highlights too "

****

Balbir

A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game
of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had
left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning,
he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another
seat.After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a
voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the
voice-with no success.Then he realized he had lost his place in the
line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over
again.After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to
buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But
since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to
the window, a voice called out"Hey, Balbir!"
Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered
looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck.
He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke.Finally he had
his coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin. As he waited
for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once
more.
Furious, He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs,"My name isn't
Balbir

*****

Suicidal Sardar



An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...

They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...

At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"


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Sardar in Texas



A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to the surd's window.
"Goodafternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."

The surd lets out a big sigh of relief:"Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then the surd's wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."
Surd's Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?"
At this time the surd's trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"
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I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
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