SMS -- Quotations

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When floods comes, the fish eat ants, when water dries, the ants eat fish.
Nature gives chance to wait for our turn... Good Morning
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Any body can love a rose,
but no one can love a leaf that is near to the rose,

Don't love some one who is beautiful
but love one who makes ur life beautiful.
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The runner says "Its possible but its difficult",
The Winner says "Its difficult but it is possible"

Always think like winner. Thats the spirit of Life.
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You never will be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life.
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Life is Not About the People who act True 2 ur face. Its About the People who Remain True Behind ur Back..
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Alphabet 'O' stands for 'opportunity' which is absent in yesterday available
once in t'o'day and thrice in t'o'm'o'rr'o'w so never loose hope.
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Fun SMS

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Sardar1: Maa Grand father 1943 yuddam lo shatruvula Kaallu
narkadu
Sardar2: Mari thalalu enduku narakaledu?
Sardar1: Avi munde evaro narikaru!.
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3 Womens died & go to Yamaraj..
1st gal: Nenu pelliki munde boy frnd ki Kiss icha.
Yama: Narakam ki Vellu
2nd Gal: Nenu pelli tarvata na Husband ki kiss ichanu.
Yama: Swarganiki vellu.
3rd Gal: Nenu inka evariki Kiss Ivvaledu.
Yama: Ayte nuv na room loki vellu!!
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Aeroplane asked Train...!
Y r u running on a track..?
Train replied: "Maa Mummy neelaga nannu galiki tiragoddu annadi!!."
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Examiner:y r u under tension?
Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?

studnt:No Sir!
By mistake i have brought tomorrow
exam's pharray (Cheating material) today:-)
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Bill Gates gave 50Rs tip 2 the waiter.
Waiter: Sir, ur son gives 500Rs tip & U gave only 50Rs.??
Gates: He is the son of Millionaire. I M the son of Farmer.!
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A 60 years old man, sitting on a bench,
with his s-series Mercedes parked behind him,
having a latest model of Rolex watch in his wrist,
a thousands rupees mobile in hand,
Armani suit, italian shoes, checkbook of swiss acounts,
is having TEARS in his eyes

Why?

Because he is seeing a gang of young guys on another bench
having a birthday celebration of one of them.

Moral:
When you miss your friends, luxury cant stop your TEARS!

Dedicated to my friends..
Miss u all
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LKG Guys: Madam Maths koncham Easy ga cheppandi.
Teacher : Ela Ra.. How??

Student: 3sha * 3sha= 9thara.!!

Like this!!.
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Boy: Pagilina Hrudayamtho premincha mantavaa,
Hrudayam pagilela Preminchamantava?
Girl: Thegina chepputho kottamantava?
cheppu thegela kottamantava?
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What is the difference between 100 rupees note & a 5 rupees coin??





















95 Rupees..!!!!


Moral:- Dont struggle to be smart always..!
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A mind blowing fact.
no matter whether guys buy 220CC Pulsars or
350CC Royal enfields ....


It cant overtake a girl on 80CC Scooty!!
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I am not a pencil 2 write your happiness,
But
I will be a rubber 2 erase all ur sorrows!

I told GOD let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!
GOD said:But for 4 days only!
I said:Yes, let them be a Spring day,Autumn day,Summer day & Winter day!
GOD said:No. 3 days!
I said:Yes, Yesterday,Today&2mrw!
GOD said:No. 2 days!
I said:Yes,a Bright day (Day Time) and Dark day (Night Time)!
GOD said:No.Just 1 day!
I said:Yes!
GOD asked:Which day?
I said:Everyday!
GOD laughed and said:U really know how to negotiate.but since u are praying and asking happiness for your friends,I can't refuse.
I love everyone who thinks of others 1st,so don't you worry.
All your friends will be happy everyday!
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When I Open My Eyes
To See The Sun Rise
I Think Of You.

When I Hear A Robin Sing
On The First Day Of Spring
I Think Of You.

When I See A Red Rose
On The Bush Where It Grows
I Think Of You.

When I Feel The Summer Heat
On The Sand Beneath My Feet
I Think Of You.

When I Sit On A Beach
Another World Just Out Of Reach
I Think Of You.

When I See The Colored Leaves
Fall To The Ground From A Light Breeze
I Think Of You.

When I Look To The Night Sky
And See The Sparkle Like In Your Eyes
I Think Of You.

When The Snow Is Coming Down
To Softly Blanket The Ground
I Think Of You.

When I Go To Bed At Night
As I Turn Out The Light
I Think Of You.

When I'm Old And Near Death
And I Draw My Last Breath
I'll Think Of You. . .
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The Real Art Of Conversation
Is Not Only To Say The Right Thing At The Right Time,
But Also To Leave Unsaid The Wrong Thing
At The Tempting Moment.
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A day is going to end again.
It is nice to have a friend like U
making my everyday seems so great.
Thank U my good friend lastly

good night n sweet dreams…
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Kiss Sms‏

Love is the name,kiss is the game forget the name lets play the game.


Love is heat.

You are sweet.

When two Lips are meet.

Love is complete.


Dear customer! your kiss balance is getting low!! Please get somebody and recharge ur balance now! u have

2 free kiss, and 3minutes hug will be expired on 1st jenuary 2007


If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.


"Where should one use perfume?"

a young woman asked.

"Wherever one wants to be kissed,"

I said.


if i could bring back memories i would bring the first day i kissed you i look you in the eyes and felt love.thanks god an angel came into my life!

funny sms

Free SMS Jokes and funny smsjokes

Teacher:class is three any 1 of u have ever slept with a goast; five rose up their hands techer: i of come infront and tell us how was it like teacher: can you tell us how was it like sleeping with goast? leaner: sir did u say goast, i thought u said goat?


So Sweet is your SMILE,
So Sweet is your STYLE,
So Sweet is your VOICE,
So Sweet is your EYE,
see! ..........how Sweetly I Lie!


Wonderful people r carefully created by God, wonderful moments are carefylly planned by God, wonderful friends like u are carefully gifted by God


Husband asks,Do u know the meaning of WIFE?
It means...Without Information Fighting Evrytime!
WIFE on hearing this says,
it could also mean - With Idiot For Ever.


KITKAT-" Kiss In Time Kiss At Time " PERK-"Perfect Emotional Romantic Kiss " MUNCH-" Meet Urgently Now For A Charming Hug. So Think B'fore giving choclate 2 any 1


2 gnanny's are on the church,for almost 3 hours now nd one says ey my boot is going 2 sleep now onether one reply"i know i heard them snored 3 times"


One day i read smoking is bad, i stopped smoking. one day i read drinking is bad, i stopped drinking. one day i read SEX is bad, i stopped reading


thsound of people right now having sex. million of people right now having sleep. 10 million of people right now have doing there work. But one stupied, ass, is reading this message.

new year msg

New Year SMS collection

May The Year 2009 Bring for You Happiness,Success and filled with Peace,Hope & Togetherness of your Family & Friends....Wishing You a...*HAPPY NEW YEAR*


I Wish in 2009 You get...
12 Month of Happiness,
52 Weeks of Fun,
365 Days Success,
8760 Hours Good Health,
52600 Minutes Good Luck,
3153600 Seconds of Joy...and that's all! - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!


Es Naye Saal mai..
Jo to chahe wo tera ho,
Har din khubsoorat aur ratain roshan ho,
Kamiyabi chumte rahe tere kadam humesha yaar,
Naya Saal Mubarok ho tuje mere Yaar.


Happy Sankranti, Happy Holi, Happy Janmasti, Happy Rakhsa bandan, Happy Diwali, Merry Christmas. Sorry I meant Happy New Year


Oh my Dear, Forget ur Fear, Let all ur Dreams be Clear, Never put Tear, Please Hear, I want to tell one thing in ur Ear Wishing u a very Happy "NEW YEAR"!


There is only one difference
between Dream and Aim.
Dream requires effortless sleep
whereas Aim requires sleepless efforts.


My wishes for you, Great start for Jan,Love for Feb,Peace for march,No worries for April Fun for May,Joy for June to Nov,Happiness for Dec,Have a lucky and wonderful 2009.


When the mid-nite bell rings tonight... Let it signify new and better things for you, let it signify a realisation of all things you wish for, Let it signify a year of courage and believes, Wishing you a very...very...very prosperious 2008.


BREAKING NEWS: Kidnapped and murdered by own child. The year 2008 has been kidnapped and murdered by year 2009. Wish you very happy new year.

lovels sms

Lovely SMS and Lovely Text Messages

love is sacrifies that why i will do sacrifies all life.beause i love you more than u think


Galiloeo:- Great Mind, Einstein:- Genius Mind, Newton:- Extraordinary Mind Me:- MasterMind, YOU:- Never Mind!


One day I will drop a tear drop in the OCEAN and the day I found I will stop loving you


i don't think anything about you.i briefly believe that you are only mine.and its come my heart ,you know nothing about you how much bueaty you own your imagine.realy i miss u.


I'm sole dwn here & its cold, ineed some 1 who will keep warn, i'm locked in a solitary place with a hope that our relationship could be like this 4eva, that is life time promise love you very much.


takHar karz dosti ka ada karega kaun, Jab hum hi nahi rahenge to dosti karega kaun. Ay khuda mere dosto ko salamat rakhna, Verna mere jeene ki dua karega kaun. submited


Baby dont 4get dat NTOKOZO loves u. U'll be ma man 4 eternity. I LOVE & MISS U BABY. pLZ BE MINE!!!


Science has proved that sugar melts in water,so plz don`t walk in the rain, otherwise I may lose a sweet friend like u!!!


Hello!! What's wrong with your mobile? Tried so many times but Every time I call it says: The subscriber your are trying to reach is in your heart!


I JST WONA TELL U DAT I LOVE U MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I MEAN IT AND HAVE A NICE DAY.


Aye zindagi yu mujhse daga na kar main jindarahun uske bina ye du na kar koi dekhta hai usko to hoti hai jalan aye hawa tu bhi usko chhua na kar


I LOVE U TRUST ME PLS I AM ONLY YOURS WHEN U COMES THEN SEE HOW CAN I LOVE U


COURT ORDER! you are accused of stealing my feelings and break my heart with the love that will never end NO BAIL! I luv you forever


takHar karz dosti ka ada karega kaun, Jab hum hi nahi rahenge to dosti karega kaun. Ay khuda mere dosto ko salamat rakhna, Verna mere jeene ki dua karega kaun.

love text msgs

Love Text Messages

I feel something in my heart; it's like a little flame,
every time I see you, there is a spark and this flame lights up,
this flame is special for me and for you too,
because it only happens wen I am with you and also because I LOVE YOU!


Think of me, you know that I should be with you if I could,
I will come around to see you once in a while or if I ever neeed a reason to smile,
And spend the night if you think I should...


have liked many but loved very few, yet no-one has been as sweet as u.
I would stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.
just for the pleasure of a moment with You.


God is wise when he did not put a price tag on you darling. If he did, I won't be able to afford to have a boyfriend (girlfriend) as precious as you.


If you have LOVE in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.


Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.


All thats smile u make and hello say 2 wanted just I that out find U when irritating very it find will U.. R U CONFUSED?? Now read it BACKWARD For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

love quotes

Cute Love Quotes Collection

First time I saw you, I was scared to touch you. First time I touched you, I was scared to kiss you. First time I kissed you, I was scared to love you. But now that I love you, I'm scared to lose you!


Good bye is a little word,that causes so much pain,the friend you hold now,might never meet you again.So never say bye always say meet u again...


A boy loved a girl, girl of his dreams.... He handed her 12 roses,11 real & last 1 artificial & said, "I'll love you till the last one dies.


Love is like cigarette,it starts with fire,continues with smoke & ends in ashes. But we r after all chain smokers!!!


Those who can't have u hate u, those who have u can't handle u, those who abuse u lose u, & then there are those like me who just can't refuse u!


Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit.


I wish one day you will miss me terribly that no matter how hard you look for me, you won't find me. Why? Because, I want you to miss me the way I'm missing you right now.


I asked God 4 a rose & he gave me a garden.i ask God 4 a drop of water & he gave me an ocean.i asked God 4 an angel and he gave me u!


Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget.And if I die before you do I'll go to heaven and wait for you.


If you cud be a part of my body,i'd let you be my heart for i want you to be the most important,be the center of ol my emotions and be the last 1 to stop wen it's tym for me to "GO".


While you gave her flowers, you gave me thorns. While all she did was smile, all I did is mourn. While she was so happy, I felt so blue. Because while you loved her, I was loving you.

love poem

Love Poems and romantic love poems

A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh;
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose,
Cause you love and care for the one you chose.


Vest in me your life, as I in you,
All we are and have, and ever will.
Love must make the choice, for good or ill,
Ever choosing blindly what we do.
Nor can we reason such a choice, or view
The consequence and total up the bill.
In all that matters most, we wait until
No choice remains but what we know is true.
Embrace me, then, on this day of love,
'Ere we turn again to restless days
Somnambulant, redundant, querulous,
Days that pass but never salient prove,
As now we can find joy beneath the maze,
Years rich with the refrain that we are us.


Beautiful eyes, beautiful face,
I'm shy to talk to you.
You're the eagle I must watch
No matter what I do.
You're the beauty, wild and free,
The mistress of my eyes,
Rolling through exultant air,
Alone in pristine skies.
I would take you for my own
Could I but have your wings,
Could I but go where night begins
And frozen sunlight sings.
Could I but have you for my love,
How might we fly together!
But I must watch you from below
And long for you forever.
But I must be the one below
And long for you forever.

DIWALI

Deepawali SMS: A warm Diwali wish for every happiness. May the warmth and splendor, that are a part of this auspicious occasion, fill your life with happiness and bright cheer, and bring to you joy and prosperity, for the whole year


Lal Gulabi RANG hai, Jhoom raha SANSAR, Suraj ki Kirne Khushiyon ki BAHAR, Chand ki Chandni, Apno ka Pyar, Mubarak ho Apko DIWALI ka tyohar....


This Diwali, may you be blessed with good fortune as long as Ganeshji's trunk, wealth and prosperity as big as his stomach, happiness as sweet as his ladoos and may your trouble be as small as his mouse. Happy Diwali!


Laxmi aayegi itni ki sab jagah Naam hoga, Din raat vyapar bade itna adhik kaam hoga, Ghar Pariwar samaj me banoge Sartaj, Yehi Kamna hai hamari aap ke liye Diwali ki Dhero Shubh Kamanaye...


Aai aai Diwali aai, Saath me kitni Khushiya laayi, Dhoom machao, mauz manao, aap sabhi ko Diwali ki badhai. Happy Diwali


Dali ne dali par nazar dali, kisi ne is par dali, kisi ne uspar dali, hum ne jis par nazar dali, uske baap ne uski shaadi kahin aur kar dali. Happy Diwali


Diwali SMS: Ek Dua Mangte hai hum apne Bhagwan se... Chahte hai Aapki Khushi Pure imaan se, Sab Hasratein Puri Ho Aapki, Aur Aap Muskaraye Dil-o-Jaan se!! Happy Diwali that leads you on the road of Success.

Telangana Style wedding card

'LAGGAM PILUPU'
Maa pedda poradu Chi:Ellaiah
Chi: Ellamma (sattenna sinna bidda) ane porini laggam cheskuntundu.
Meerandaru yaad marvakunda raavale...
Yaad maristhe manchigundadi..
Mee pellam poragalani kuda tolka randi.

fun

meeku 57 va telugu akshram telusa?
leda?
ayite Ikkada choodoooo..............................!
kinda
kinda
inka kinda
inka inka
inka
inka
inka
inka......................
Ye school lo chadivavu baabooo............
57 va akshram telugu lo...? ha ha

funny

Messages levu..

Phone ledu..

Atleast Missed Call kuda ledu

Naaku tension gaa vundi..

Eni ayyindi?

Kompa tesi ZOO valliki malli doriki poyava enti?

gd mrg

I just love when morning gets here, because i can send a Great Big Good Morning sms to my beloved. what a lovely way to start my day.
Very Good Morning

SMS Quotes

☻As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task,try to imagine it succeessfully accompliced by someone you voilently hate

☻There is no substitute for hard work.

☻Duty pays you. Safety saves you.

☻Take time to look- it is price of success

☻Take time to think-it is a source of power

☻Take time to read-it is a source of wisdom

☻Take time to be friendly-it is a way of happiness

☻Between two evils, choose neither. Between two goods, choose both

☻The shortest way to do many thing is to do a single thing at a time.

☻Think you are well, and all that is well with you. And nature will read your thoughts and make them true

☻Be true to yourself and others. Do not try to appear better or greater than what you are.

☻Troubles which are tackled instead of being talkedabout, dissappear like mist before the morning sun

☻Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.

☻Forget injuries, but never forget kindness

☻Learn something new each day-keep your eyes, ears and most of all your mind open.

☻Pray as if everything depended work as if everything depended on you.

☻In success and failure, in sunshine and rain, in prosperity and adversity be at peace with the world and with yourself.

☻The way you manage your time determnes your success or failure as a man.

☻Honour the chief. There must be a head of everything.
 

☻Be glad and rejoice in the other fellow's success. Study his methods.
 

☻Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but don't relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
 

☻Do not express dislike for a person when (s)he is not present to offer a defence.
 

☻Prayer is the first duty in life; And to plead lack of time for it is an insult to GOD.
 

☻Who agree like bell; they want nothing but hanging.

☻Anger is a short madness. Don't allow it to ruin longstanding reations.
 

☻Nothing is bad but it might have been worse.
 

☻Loyalty to friends and loyalty to certain basic principles are essential to success in any sphere.

☻Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you cannot do, concentrate on what you can do that others cannot.

☻To be angry is to revenge the fault of others on us
 

☻As heat conserved is transmitted into energy, so can anger controlled can be transmitted into a power which can move the world.
 

☻Our errors are steps on the way.
 

☻A fool may be known by six things :anger without cause, speech without profit, change without progress, enquiry without object, putting trust in a stranger, mistaking foes for friends.
DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE ABOVE QUALITIES??????
 

☻It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for wt you are not.
 

☻Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
 

☻You will never find time for any thing. If you want time you must find it.
 

☻If you want people to think well of you do not speak well of yourself.
 

☻Our prayers should be for blessing in general, for God knows best what is good for us.
 

☻If you shed tears when you miss the sun; you also miss the stars.
 

☻You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else for it.
 

☻ANGER is only one letter shorter than DANGER.
 

☻The man who has done less than his best have done nothing.39.The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.
 

☻Think more about what you can make happen than about what happens to you.
 

☻Stand for truth even at the expense of losing popularity.
 

☻For every minute of anger you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
 

☻Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you0D
 

☻Failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.
 

☻Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.
 

☻Be clean in all matters and you will never be ashamed.
 

☻Saying "I did not find time " shows you did not WISH to do it.
 

☻People who believe a problem can be solved tend to become busy solving it.
 

☻If you don't think every day is a good day try missing one!
 

☻Learn to hide your heartaches and woes under a pleasant smile.
 

☻Every good thought is a star which leads you on, shining in the dark, making your pathway radiant.
 

☻Those who do not have goals are doomed to work for those who do.
 

☻Be thankful if you have a job that is harder than you like. A razor cannot be sharpened on a velvet.
 

☻When you long for something, it means you love it.
 

☻DON'T ever give up before you have solved the problem you are facing.
 

☻Don't say things. What you are stands over you and thunders, so nobody would hear what you say on the contrary.
 

☻Think that day lost whose decending son has seen no worthy action done.
 

☻We weave a tangled web when we first practise to deceive.
 

☻Love is only chatter. Friends are all that matters.
 

☻The heart has its reasons, which, reason does not know.
 

☻Tommorow I will live, the fool says. Today is too late. The wise lived yesterday.
 

☻It is better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.
 

☻The more hot arguments you win the more good friends you lose.
 

☻Face the situation fearlessly and soon there will be no situation to face.
 

☻Mistakes fail in their missin of helping the person who blames them on others.
 

☻Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don't try.
 

☻Be sure you are right and then go ahead.
 

☻That sorrow is heavy which bows the head, when love is alive nad hope is dead.
 

☻The truth that's tild with bad intent beats all lies you can invent.
 

☻In life knowing how to lose is just as important as knowing how to win.
 

☻Think in the morning, do it in the afternoon, eat in the evening,sleep in the night.
 

☻If hardwork is you weapon then success will be you slave.
 

☻Women's heart is soft but if it becomes hard, a diamond also cannot stand it.
 

☻Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unneccessary breaks others will push you back.
 

☻Thankfulness should be expressed, but you shouldn't ask for it.
 

☻Love is all in fire and yet freezing,

Love is much in winnig , but is more in loosing.

Love is ever sick and yet is never dying,

Love is ever true and yet is ever lying,

Love does doath in liking and is mad in loathing,

Love indeed is everything, yet indeed is nothing.
 

☻It is important to follow rules rather than to make rules.
 

☻A person in front of whom you dare to be yourself is you trues friend.
 

☻Never express to the world what you can do. Show the world by doing it.
 

☻See that you are needed to atleast one person in life.
 

☻It is better for us to feel bad rather than to make others feel bad.
 

☻What you don't like happening to yourself, don't do it to others.
 

☻Miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen.

☻Show appreciation of the smallest services by your loved ones and employees.
 

☻The higher we are places, the more humble should we walk.
 

☻It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.
 

☻Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts and don't put on with people who are recless with yours.
 

☻Don't waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. The race is lomg and in the end its only with yourself.
 

☻Be nice to you sibling. They are your best link to your past. 
 

☻Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.
 

☻Don't expect anyone else to support you at any point.
 

☻Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.
 

☻Be prepared and some day your chance will come.
 

☻Watch the sun rise atleast once a year.
 

☻Be there when people need you.
 

☻When I hear someone say "life is heard" I am tempted to ask "compared to what"-Sydney J Harris.
 

☻If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble upon something-Gertrude Stein.
 

☻A hero is no braver than a ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer-R W Emerson.
 

☻Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is some light near by.
 

☻Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
 

☻Shoot for the moon... cause even if you miss you will end up in the stars-Les Brown.
 

☻I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

☻I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

☻Sarcasm is just one more service we offer

☻If I throw a stick, will you leave?

☻You!... Off my planet!

☻If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

☻The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

☻Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

☻  Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

☻A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

☻Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

☻Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

☻Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

☻I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

☻I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

☻For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

☻I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

☻We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

☻Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last!

☻Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep. Im not half as thunk as u drink. I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

☻How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

☻Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

☻What is similar to a woman's period?
Ur salary - coz it comes once a month, last about 5 to 6 day and if it doesn't come it means u r in deep trouble.

☻Do u ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than u is an idiot and everyone driving faster than u is a maniac?

☻The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks

☻If I told you that you remind me of my mom, would you tuck me in bed tonight?

☻I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike Nintendo, I never get played.

☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

☻"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

☻"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."

☻"Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony."

☻"He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."

☻"At school we had a name for guys who were 'trying to get in touch with themselves'."

☻"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

☻"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

☻"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like."

☻"It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't."

☻"Mr Anaesthetist, if the patient can stay awake, surely you can."

☻"There's no bigger fan of the opposite sex than me, and I have the bills to prove it."

☻"The flashier kind of widow may insist only only sleeping with black men during the first year after death."

☻All I ever wanted is what others have.
 

☻Laugh on your one and the world thinks you are an idiot.
 

☻A kiss that says it all is seldom a first edition.
 

☻Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!
 

☻It is better to be fair than to be popular!
 

☻The strongest musle of the human body is the tongue.
 

☻Time is something that makes sure that everything does nog happen at the same moment.
 

☻Life is not short, it is being dead that lasts such a long time!
 

☻I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.
 

☻I see things the way they are and say: Why? .................. I dream of things that never were and say: Why not?
 

☻Life is what happens when you plan to do other things -- John Lennon
 

☻copernicus said:"men with dick in peanutbutter is fucking nuts."
 

☻Law of Murphy..... Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong sooner or later......Murphy was an optimist.
 

☻It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
 

☻A lot of people are in pain out of fear to be happy
 

☻A lot of people were never happy because they thought it had yet to come.
 

☻A laugh is the shortest distance between two people.
 

☻I want to die sleeping, just like my grandfather ..... Not yelling and

☻He said:"I thank you for the wonderful talk." ... I had only been listening.
 

☻When your youngest child needs sex education, you have badly informed your elder children on the subject.
 

☻The heart and the brain are neighbours, but they will never be friends.
 

☻The present is just as mysterious as the future.
 

☻People who do not want to be disturbed, usually already are disturbed.
 

☻You can close your eyes for certain facts, but not for the memories.
 

☻Friendly words do not have to be long, the echo never dies.
 

☻Woman know that they are not that pretty any more when they have nothing to wear.
 

☻What do you have to do when you fall into a river with a sign "Forbidden to swim?"
 

☻Be yourself, there are enough other people.